Because there are over a million rules in the social bible!

It is supposedly an independent life, though all rules have been set. Others have decided what code of conduct will or won’t be correct. All one has to do is do or say something and look around. If faces are passive, she has done the right thing. If there’s even the hint of a frown, it’s best to undo the last action. Who knows whom one might end up displeasing?

There are rules, lots of rules. There are rules because we live in a society. A broken rule gives people the right to ‘point a finger’ at the rule-breaker and her clan.

There are rules about a million things – which school to study, which subject to study, whom to be friends with, how much to talk, which books to read, what occupation to aspire for, how much to score in the test, the necessity to score more than the neighbour, which shop to shop, which barber to get a haircut from, which clubs to be a member of, which sport to enjoy, which astrologer to get the kundali made etcetera.. [sigh].

In small towns, everyone knows everyone – each family knows each family up to three generations (at least), and they are always worried about all the families they know – up to the next three generations (at least). For example, Mr X’s daughter laughing (too loud social decibel meter-wise) on the street might give a dozen not-so-tolerant-urging-to-strengthen-sanskars advices to Mrs and Mr X. Mr Y’s son caught being greeted by his co-ed classmate will cause quite some head-shaking-mournful-beta haath se nikal gaya condolences being offered for the Y family (indirectly because it was a boy and boys can only make mistakes whereas girls commit sins).

And, the commendable part is, there’s no printed edition of the ‘social bible’ available anywhere; not on flipkart or amazon or google-books and definitely not in the local pichhli gulli waali kitabon ki dukaan. How all these families, their children and their children and their children know all these rules by heart is infinitely puzzling. Let’s consider this - new rules are made every day (to keep up with the modern world), some old ones fine tuned conveniently and still some being sometimes discarded (oh yes, convenience has more power than we ever admit). (Come to think of it, just like bible, there are versions like Luke, Matthew, John and editions like Old Testament, New Testament.) Then how does everyone else know when someone (like a poor Jr. X or Jr. Y) breaks a rule? Could it be in the air, water soil; or the fruits, grain and vegetable? Probably it’s in the genes – the middle class DNA. The kids are born knowing all the rules and versions (and all) like Abhimanyu.

What if, like so many genetic disorders and congenital defects, someone, anyone does NOT receive the pre-birth knowledge of the social bible genetically? How many rules could be taught to such a kid ; and how many versions (or editions whatever!)? What if she laughs and he slaps his co-ed classmate on her back on the streets? What if these kids make friends outside the ‘allowed’ group, enjoy sports others don’t know about and play hop-scotch in the neighbourhood gully and their rules? O my God, what a terrible, scary ‘What if’ this would be!

The ‘What if’ generation has started to arrive. There are lots of social bibles in dust bins these days (metaphorically of course, because the rules have been thrown out through actions, decisions and ways of life).

They’ve learnt that it’s easiest to live when you live your life from outside your window: no preferences, no choices, no exercising your will – always refer to the ‘rules’. That’s the ideal way to live. In fact, not even that, because we are a ‘progressive, educated, broad-minded, yet well grounded to our reality’ people. So they also know that the society pretends to give choices, in terms of choosing an education, friends, career, house and spouse. So ideally, one must pretend to have preferences, choices and will, and simultaneously make sure that they are exactly the ones laid down by everyone else. That is the IDEAL way to live.

They’ve also learnt that rebellion is such a waste of energy. So if they don’t live from outside their lives’ windows, then they place themselves and their lives in a cage and live, pretending to be around other people.

So they do not rebel, they do not convince anyone or show them their points of view, they do not argue – they pretend.


  1. Rules are meant to be broken is also a big pretence...coz one just cannot deny to the fact that his own life is not his own it is for rent... if one starts beleiving that life he is living is his own then that guy is a cosmo guy who disrespects parents and girl is the type of ladki jisko ma ke saamne nahi le ja sakte... And i think India is the only country in the world where wen sum1 gets married, its not he who is getting married, instead the WHOLE FAMILY gets married. The girl and the guy are just rented actors and the finest in the biradri u cud find, mind u!And who cares if the girl doesnt like the guy or vice versa, after all it isnt about u, its abt the family who is getting married to another family !!

    And truly said, "In india boys make mistakes but girls commit sins...

  2. There is nothing like IDEAL in this world... This is a REAL world not an IDEAL world. And people can only be happy in REAL world if their thinking follows the equation of real world, not of the ideal world.

  3. Since the society is this bad in our country, Idealists generally have to go through five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Finally every idealist reaches the state of acceptance. Its only the time required to reach that state may vary.

    But there is silver lining, our society is changing. All it will require is one generation more to become what can be called a truly advanced society.

  4. It is an independent life, though all rules have been set by the society and not by us. Others always decide what code of conduct will or won’t be correct, as per there perception. It doesn’t matter what is right and wrong, it’s upon us to decide. Every person who belongs to society is a critic in him/her self, coz he/she is a part of the society. To choose the right path beyond the imagination of the people around us is not cheating and committing any sins, but is to follow the right path, and one has said it very correctly
    “Sach hamesha kadva hota hai”.
    So people(society) tend to maintain the balance of the “kadvahat” and the truth, as per their convenience!
    Doing so they end up making new rules for the society and themselves.
    One can’t imagine how many rules have been made by these hypocrites, who believe that anything they do is right, and ignore the purity, spirituality and the power of a true heart, which thinks above the rules differntly.

    Most of the times heart give up this path because of the pain and the suffering. And on the top of everything, it ends up exercising and following the path shown by the society, and I DENY DOING SO.

    It’s a free world with no boundations, but all are entrapped with the duties which one has to performed, as per the society. It's just a matter of understanding and just a hint of what’s going on, don’t compromise on your principals and the truth. What you feel from inside is truth, and not what others had said to you. Don't give up things which are important, because of the rules.

    So don’t give up, and follow the right path, what is right will always be right. Other things don’t matter at all. It's us that matters, and nobody else. And believe me, you'll be happy because whatever we'll do, it will be against the "society rules" , but it'll be "TRUE".

  5. As long as one is true to himself / herself, the person is doing correct things. But whether it gives happiness is questionable. The society is like herd . In this herd, there are 4-5 people about whom you care. A direct revolt against this herd will hit these people. Society always takes the revenge on these people who care about the rules. How can one be happy, if the very people about whom one cares come in the line of fire.

    On the contrary, if one follows the herd just because it will make someone else happy. The person will not be going by his heart. This again makes the person unhappy. It’s an epitome of catch 22 situation. No matter what you do, you end up with same result. The best a person can do is pursue happiness. Happiness itself can never be attained.
    And ya, We boys r given the freedom to choose one of these two paths while girls are forced to take the second one. "Girls Cant Rebel, they cant speak their mind" is after all one of the most prominent rules of "Indian Culture".

  6. Classic thought, but as far as what ever i do is ok with my "family" why should i even bother, what others (so called "society") think about me.

    Society has enough time to gossip around what is happening in other's life, if you are caring about that you are wasting your time.

    Its unfair to say "In india boys make mistakes but girls commit sins..."

    Lastly nothing remains forever, people talk and forget. So its your life do what you think is the best for you.